Losing your dog, your cat, or any animal with whom you have shared your life hurts. Sometimes much more than those around you might expect. It was part of the home, of your routines, and of the family, and its absence is felt in every corner. If you are going through this, the first thing you should know is that what you are feeling is normal.
A real grief, even if not always understood
Grief for an animal is real grief. However, it is not always recognized as such: there are those who do not understand why it affects you so much, why you might need a day off, or why you don't feel like talking about anything else. That can make you feel alone or even ashamed of your sadness. You don't have to be.
The bond with an animal is very special: it was with you every day, unconditionally, through the good times and the bad. It is logical that its loss leaves a large void.
What you may feel
Perhaps you have heard of the "stages of grief." Today it is understood that grief does not follow a fixed order or stages that must be completed. Each person experiences it in their own way, and it is common to go through very different emotions, sometimes within the same day:
- Sadness and the urge to cry at unexpected moments.
- Guilt: "I should have noticed sooner," "Did I do the right thing by choosing euthanasia?"
- Anger at yourself, the veterinarian, or the situation.
- A sense of emptiness, especially at moments that were theirs: walk time, arriving home.
- Relief, if they had been sick for a long time, and sometimes guilt for feeling that relief.
All of this is part of the process. Regarding guilt, it is worth remembering that decisions are made with the information and the love you had at that moment. If it was euthanasia, it is usually a decision made precisely to spare them suffering.
Things that can help
There are no prescriptions, but many people find some of these ideas helpful:
- Give yourself permission to be sad, without setting deadlines.
- Talk about them with those who knew them or with people who have been through something similar.
- Have a farewell: plant something in their memory, gather your photos in an album, write them a letter, or keep their collar in a special place.
- Maintain your basic routines: eating, sleeping, going for a walk. If you used to walk with your dog, it might be hard at first; some people prefer to change their route for a while.
- Decide without rushing what to do with their things. You don't need to put everything away on the first day, nor do you need to leave everything as it was forever.
If there are children at home
Children also grieve, in their own way. It helps to:
- Tell the truth with words adapted to their age. Expressions like "they've gone to sleep" or "they've gone on a trip" can confuse them or make them afraid.
- Let them ask and answer simply, even if they repeat the same questions.
- Allow them to express what they feel, through words, drawings, or by participating in the farewell.
- Do not hide your own sadness: seeing you sad teaches them that it is normal.
The other animals in the house
If you lived with other animals, you might notice changes in them: eating less, looking for their companion, sleeping more, or being more clingy with you. We don't know exactly what they understand, but the absence and the changes at home affect them. Maintain their routines, give them a little extra attention, and if they stop eating or the changes persist, consult your veterinarian.
What about another animal?
There is no "right" time. Some people need years, while others, after a short time, feel that their home is ready for another companion. The important thing is that it is a decision and not a way to cover up the void. A new animal does not replace the previous one: it will be different, with its own character, and it deserves to be loved for who it is.
When to ask for help
Grief takes time, and there is no "normal" deadline. But if weeks go by and the sadness does not ease, if you find it difficult to go about your daily life, sleep, or eat, or if you feel you cannot cope, ask for help. Your general practitioner or a psychologist can support you, and in some areas, there are professionals and support groups with experience in pet loss.
If at any time you have thoughts of harming yourself, do not wait: call 024, the suicide prevention hotline, or 112.
What you experienced with your animal does not disappear with them. With time, the pain usually gives way to memories, and to gratitude for the years you shared.